Last weekend I did the Canadian Olympic Tri in memory of Terry McKinty, the founder of a our local tri series. Four years ago, the Canadian try-a-tri was my first ever completed tri after I got a DNF at the one 4 weeks before. When I emailed Terry to tell him what a great time I had despite my finish, he gave me free entry to the Canadian so my season would end on a high note. I always remember his kindness and how it started me on my triathlon adventure. I have struggled with triathlon this year but I loved last Saturday, I might have finished near the bottom again but I had a great time and it helped remind me why I love triathlon.
At work we did a strength based leadership test and the results did not surprise me and they explain a lot. I scored high in executing and strategic thinking categories - I am a Learner, I always seek to learn more and gain new skills, I am also a Restorative which means I look at weekly performance goals and work on what I am not good at in order to improve and I am Responsible, I always finish what I start and I am self motivated, I hate to delegate and I can easily point out where I can do better and improve. In other words, I can be really really hard on myself and always look at what I can improve and do better and not celebrate what I did.
I can see this in my athletics, I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I am constantly reading books and articles on how to improve and do better, I always set challenging goals and am way too hard on myself as I work to achieve them. Saturday's tri was all about fun, I was not racing it and I did have fun and was happy with my day but in the back of my mind I keep thinking, if only I had swum straight I could have gotten a PB and you are fat and need to lose more weight to be better. That was not the point about Saturday, it was to honor Terry and have fun and I did both, it should have been enough. I can see this with my Ironman, every one says you finished, Congratulations and I say thanks but I was last...like that makes me less worthy.
I recent read an article that was a game-changer How a Game of Tug of War Changed my View of Happiness and yesterday I read another The Business of Enough, both gifts from the authors and the Universe and were exactly what I needed and I share them with you today. I have battled my "Monsters" for the last 6 years to become the person I am today and I should be happy with that person. What I realize is sometimes we get wrapped up in the constant need to improve and change we don't stop to appreciate who we are and decide if we like or love that person. To put it another way we get so wrapped up in the journey we fail to realize we reached our destination and cannot appreciate it. It is time to stop fighting, to learn I am enough and to appreciate who I am right now and to breath.
