So I am 5 weeks from my first triathlon and 12 weeks from my first half marathon and things are starting to hurt. I am working out 6 days a week, twice a day most days. Between the swimming, cycling, running and circuit training my body is taking quite a pounding. I have bruises place I have never had them before, sitting down is an exercise in torture and my feet look like a medical experiment with blisters, sore spots and damaged toe nails. Gone are the days I had a nice pedicure and pretty feet, my feet in sandals are not a pretty sight. We workout to make ourselves stronger and for our health, or so they tell us, but right now I have my doubts. I am surprised that I am still going and I will admit, I will be happy on Aug 5th when I know I only have to run 4-5 days a week and this crazy workout schedule can stop. I look at the elite athletes, these runners and triathletes and wonder how they manage to do this every day for years and keep going. Right now I am happy to finish each day and know I am one day closer to my goal, I did sign up for this so now I have to suck it up and as Nike says JUST DO IT!
"Some of the greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." Doug Larsen
So I have set a grueling training program for myself, between the triathlon and the half marathon I am working out seven days a week. I know I cannot keep this up forever but I am hoping I can do so for the next six weeks. I now feel confident I can at least finish my triathlon, a big step forward, but it will not be pretty. Ottawa gets really hot in the summer and usually I train inside on the really hot days but now I find myself outside, just in case it is 40C on race day.
Motivation is the key right now, keeping motivated that is. It is hard to stay motivated and on target every day, I have good days and bad days but I am sticking with it for now. Tonight as I write this I am totally wiped out, nothing left to give, once again wondering why I do this to myself. I search for motivation online in the form of cute signs and on You Tube in motivational videos made by others but nothing quite nailed it. Then I can across a song that spoke to that place in my heart that knows why I do it.
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never make it"
Every step I am taking
Every move I am make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I am going to have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb.
This has not been a good week for me, too much to do, not enough time, to many demands and not enough sleep. I have also let something creep back into my life I thought I had gotten rid of...FEAR. FEAR, that four letter word that has ruined more dreams then it deserves to. Along with its buddies, I can't and I'll fail, fear has been a terrible trio in my life. They led me down the path to being overweight and a life of self doubt and unfinished dreams. Three years ago I thought I put then away, in a place far, far away but they found their way back to the surface and are back with a vengeance.
I am always scared when I move up to a new running distance but I know I am ready and have faith in the new RR program. I am always scared when I step on the scales and see extra pounds creep back on as I worked so hard to get them off but I know what to do to get them off again. This is not that case right now and I am afraid. For the first time in a long time I am afraid I might not finish an event, my triathlon and those 5 extra pounds that crept back on are stubbornly not coming off again.
I can give in to fear and those 5 pounds will become 10 or more and I can give up, stop training, not risk failure and not do my triathlon. I have struggled with this all week but a little voice in my head keep saying "What would you do if you knew you could not fail". All week the voice in my head keep getting louder and louder and yesterday I finally heard it, I mean really heard it and understood. I have been here before and did not fail and I could do it again, and again, and again if needed. One day at a time, one ride/swim/run at a time, one pound at a time, I can do it. Like my new Nike T-shirt says "Every damn day, just do it!"
Tomorrow I head out for my 7K long run and start my new training and eating plan and I will succeed, I will feel the fear and do it anyway.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela
The main reason I started to run was to complete a triathlon, a long held dream of mine and something I thought was out of my reach. Well in 9 short weeks I will be doing my first sprint triathlon while I am also training for my first half marathon in September. If you look up the word crazy in the dictionary, I am sure you will find a photo of me. Once again, I am relying on a running room clinic to get me through the running part but the swimming and cycling part is up to me. I swan as a youth and cycled in university but that was a long, long, long time ago and I am basically starting over. I read on a web site that it takes an average person 6-9 months to train for their first mini triathlon, I have 9 weeks so enough complaining and it's time to get busy. I have set a grueling schedule of 4 runs a week, 2 trips on the bike, one swimming session and one core workout. I guess my first goal is to survive the training, my second is to finish the race.
"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." Newt Gingrich